I Choose Praise.
I Choose Thanksgiving.
Last October my(Tori’s) mom was sick. It began with everything from bronchitis to pneumonia
to stomach bug…and on it goes. The very
short of it is that she had diverticulitis and ended up having 10 inches of her
colon removed, was on a colostomy bag, had a heart “event” called cardiogenic
shock which kept her in ICU for a very difficult stretch of time, developed 2
hernias (I think) and had to have the colon resection surgery sooner than they
planned.
The Fall of 2012 and the whole of 2013, thus far,
have been stretching and trusting and weary and wild times for my parents.
About a month ago my mom had what they called
another “heart event” which caused her cardiologist to want to look take a
further look. Yesterday that further
look was a heart catheterization. It brought
to light that my mom has 3 heart arteries with blockages. One is 100% blocked,
one is 70% and one is 50%. (and damaged heart muscle/tissue from the
cardiogenic shock/heart attack event) They will plan to do a triple bypass on
the 13th or 14th of this month. She and my Dad will meet with the surgeon
this coming week to set the date.
That’s a lot of details that I had to write out in “fact
list” form. Not much of an emotional
description of the challenge this time has been for anyone in my family. Each person in this family has had their own
road to walk during this time. My Dad
having to see his wife fighting for life, my sister managing her home while
ministering to and encouraging our parents, my relationship with Christ growing
in trust as I long to “be there” in my heart and yet here is where HE says for
me to be. I love that. It's what I desire. And It’s hard.
Trials in this life are hard. The truth of open heart surgery on a body
that has been through so much already, is hard.
The memory of what “Charlie”, my mom’s father, went through with his
open heart surgery is hard. The “reality”
is hard.
I sat last night thinking on the “reality” and God
reminded me that yesterday morning I had prayed that HE would let me see HIM in
every part of yesterday. He answered
that prayer. While I was thinking, I
could not stay on whatever might be called the “reality”. I drifted straight to praise every time. I thought on how fearful one could be going
into a surgery like this and I couldn’t stay there…God directed my thoughts
right back to HIM. I talked with my Dad,
straight to praise. I talked with my
(sick with the stomach bug) sister, straight to praise.
Asbells can tend to the negative. It’s terrible to write this, but if you are
an Asbell and are reading this you know it’s true. It’s a fight to see the positive, to choose
joy, to see the praise and thanksgiving of it all. Actually, we probably all see it, but don’t
talk about it like we do the “other” stuff.
Maybe it’s more than Asbells, maybe it’s a “human” struggle?
Here is an example, of when God really pointed this
out to me as something He wanted to change in me: When my son was 4 or 5, we went to meet a
friend I hadn’t seen in long time for a play day with her children. We had a wonderful day with neat adventures
and lots of fun. Somewhere in that day
the little girl pushed my son down, no big deal..4/5 years old..it
happens. At the end of our great day we
are home, see Daddy, and he asks about our day.
I expected a “IT WAS GREAT!” and instead my son went on for 30 minutes
about this terrible day b/c she pushed him down. WHAT?????
It was one moment in time, not the whole of the day. It broke my heart and God used it to really
show me how I can view things. I can acknowledge the hard, ugly, real stuff but I don't have to dwell there. I don't have to let it define the entire day, event, life, etc.
Yesterday I could not help but be overwhelmed with
praise that God allowed the doctors to find these blockages. Overwhelmed with praise that it’s 2013 and
the surgery can be done and done well. Overwhelmed
that this is “fixable”. Overwhelmed that
she is still here.
I am not unaware of the risks and the damage
already done and the history or reality.
I Choose Praise.
REALLY, God heard my cry: to help me Praise and Thank Him and by His
grace I can’t help but do that.
It’s not a denial of the “earthly reality”. It’s an answered prayer to have my eyes fixed
on the Author of it all. The God who
holds all of life in His hands. The God
who spared her life, thus far, and desires to use it for His glory. The ONE, TRUE, GOD.
Isn’t this “really” the only way to “live” in this
life?
Is there anyone who isn’t experiencing trial,
death, sickness, loss, cancer, injustice, hardship, suffering? Or anyone you know?
I know that I can be absolutely taken under in the
unending waves of sadness, suffering and sin in this world.
I have felt like I’m drowning at times.
The only place to get a breath, to really breathe
clean and deep for me, is in the place of praise. The heart eyes fixed on thankfulness. Fixed on the ONE who gives all reason for
thankfulness and praise.
SO THIS MORNING, I FELL ON MY FACE BEFORE THE LORD,
WITH THANKSGIVING AND PRAISE.
