I Choose Praise.

I Choose Praise.

I Choose Thanksgiving.

Last October my(Tori’s) mom was sick.  It began with everything from bronchitis to pneumonia to stomach bug…and on it goes.  The very short of it is that she had diverticulitis and ended up having 10 inches of her colon removed, was on a colostomy bag, had a heart “event” called cardiogenic shock which kept her in ICU for a very difficult stretch of time, developed 2 hernias (I think) and had to have the colon resection surgery sooner than they planned. 

The Fall of 2012 and the whole of 2013, thus far, have been stretching and trusting and weary and wild times for my parents. 

About a month ago my mom had what they called another “heart event” which caused her cardiologist to want to look take a further look.  Yesterday that further look was a heart catheterization.  It brought to light that my mom has 3 heart arteries with blockages. One is 100% blocked, one is 70% and one is 50%. (and damaged heart muscle/tissue from the cardiogenic shock/heart attack event) They will plan to do a triple bypass on the 13^th or 14^th of this month.  She and my Dad will meet with the surgeon this coming week to set the date. 

That’s a lot of details that I had to write out in “fact list” form.  Not much of an emotional description of the challenge this time has been for anyone in my family.  Each person in this family has had their own road to walk during this time.  My Dad having to see his wife fighting for life, my sister managing her home while ministering to and encouraging our parents, my relationship with Christ growing in trust as I long to “be there” in my heart and yet here is where HE says for me to be. I love that.  It's what I desire. And It’s hard. 

Trials in this life are hard.  The truth of open heart surgery on a body that has been through so much already, is hard.  The memory of what “Charlie”, my mom’s father, went through with his open heart surgery is hard.  The “reality” is hard. 

I sat last night thinking on the “reality” and God reminded me that yesterday morning I had prayed that HE would let me see HIM in every part of yesterday.  He answered that prayer.  While I was thinking, I could not stay on whatever might be called the “reality”.  I drifted straight to praise every time.  I thought on how fearful one could be going into a surgery like this and I couldn’t stay there…God directed my thoughts right back to HIM.  I talked with my Dad, straight to praise.  I talked with my (sick with the stomach bug) sister, straight to praise. 

Asbells can tend to the negative.  It’s terrible to write this, but if you are an Asbell and are reading this you know it’s true.  It’s a fight to see the positive, to choose joy, to see the praise and thanksgiving of it all.  Actually, we probably all see it, but don’t talk about it like we do the “other” stuff.  Maybe it’s more than Asbells, maybe it’s a “human” struggle?

Here is an example, of when God really pointed this out to me as something He wanted to change in me:  When my son was 4 or 5, we went to meet a friend I hadn’t seen in long time for a play day with her children.  We had a wonderful day with neat adventures and lots of fun.  Somewhere in that day the little girl pushed my son down, no big deal..4/5 years old..it happens.  At the end of our great day we are home, see Daddy, and he asks about our day.  I expected a “IT WAS GREAT!” and instead my son went on for 30 minutes about this terrible day b/c she pushed him down.  WHAT?????  It was one moment in time, not the whole of the day.  It broke my heart and God used it to really show me how I can view things.  I can acknowledge the hard, ugly, real stuff but I don't have to dwell there.  I don't have to let it define the entire day, event, life, etc. 

Yesterday I could not help but be overwhelmed with praise that God allowed the doctors to find these blockages.  Overwhelmed with praise that it’s 2013 and the surgery can be done and done well.  Overwhelmed that this is “fixable”.  Overwhelmed that she is still here. 

I am not unaware of the risks and the damage already done and the history or reality.

I Choose Praise. 

REALLY, God heard my cry:  to help me Praise and Thank Him and by His grace I can’t help but do that. 

It’s not a denial of the “earthly reality”.  It’s an answered prayer to have my eyes fixed on the Author of it all.  The God who holds all of life in His hands.  The God who spared her life, thus far, and desires to use it for His glory.  The ONE, TRUE, GOD. 

Isn’t this “really” the only way to “live” in this life? 

Is there anyone who isn’t experiencing trial, death, sickness, loss, cancer, injustice, hardship, suffering?  Or anyone you know?

I know that I can be absolutely taken under in the unending waves of sadness, suffering and sin in this world. 

I have felt like I’m drowning at times.

The only place to get a breath, to really breathe clean and deep for me, is in the place of praise.  The heart eyes fixed on thankfulness.  Fixed on the ONE who gives all reason for thankfulness and praise.    

SO THIS MORNING, I FELL ON MY FACE BEFORE THE LORD, WITH THANKSGIVING AND PRAISE.